every day since the tornado, i just never know what it is that will set me off.  something may make me completely angry, or i may just tear up for whatever reason.

on saturday, i had to take my vehicle to the insurance company in morehead to have the damage assessed.  when i finished, i called home to check in, and beck said that after i left, a swarm of volunteers came down the street and piled in to our yard, and within no time, they had cleared the biggest part of the debris from our immediate yard.  i sat in the parking lot and cried.

when i got home, there was a huge pile of brush in the yard, and i could see the remnants of our crabapple trees sticking up; and there, perched up in the limbs, just like he did when they were still standing, was a little mocking bird, just chirping away like he used to when they were standing, and it just broke my heart.

as i walked around the pile and saw the 2 little stumps where the crabapple trees had once been, i just fell apart.  i loved those 2 trees…they were so beautiful in the spring, and they joined together in such a pretty way.

i knew their story…that irene’s family had given her those trees one year, and that they thought they were going to be pink, and they didn’t find out until spring that they had accidentally gotten white ones, instead.

and i can’t count the number of times that one of their branches had either knocked my sunglasses off my face or pulled my earphones out of my ears when i was mowing underneath them.

as i stood there having a breakdown in our yard, i knew it wasn’t really about the trees…so many people lost so many things that they loved dearly…homes…cars…belongings…things much more valuable than 2 trees…hell, people lost family and friends that they loved dearly…and this was just 2 crabapple trees…but there, in that moment, those 2 trees sort of encapsulated all of that loss for me…and the tears just flowed.

(as originally posted on my blog at mindracket.com)

  • :)

    i know exactly how you feel and i’m sorry you’re struggling.